is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
