You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize