Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
