R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
