I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
