i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
