I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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