I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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