i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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