You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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