Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
