your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
