White coat. Heels.
She said her name was "party"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
