I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
