god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
