I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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