Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
