i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
