2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
