speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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