I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
