Your face is a jimmy john
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He shit in the fireplace
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
