I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
