The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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