There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
