I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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