I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
