he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
