Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize