peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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