Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
