everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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