ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I smell stomach acid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
