tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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