im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We are two peas in an std pod
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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