I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
