so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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