This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
