Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
