I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
