Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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