if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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