Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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