tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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