It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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