Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
