they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
