Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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