Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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