Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize