he shaved USA in his pubs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
