where am i from again
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
