Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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