I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
