I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
