those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
