i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
