We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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