Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
