yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
