I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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