apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
