my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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