Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
