just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
