Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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