On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
