remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
