Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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