I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
