So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize