thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize