I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
