Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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